Thursday, May 5, 2011

DAY 214 - On the Brink of Behind

courtesy of emdot at flickr
my brother’s birthday tomorrow
haven’t gotten to arranging lunch

nephew’s bar results tomorrow
will I remember to call?

Mother’s Day on Sunday
finally asked this morning about what would feel like a gift

Jay’s 60th on Tuesday
not only no card yet,
but damn, have to be at a conference in Sacramento all day

Tom’s wife has cancer
how can I be of help, and when?

who else have I not checked on?
checked in with?
are they feeling uncared for by me?

maybe I can let go of the fear of the brink
of falling behind
maybe let go of the worry that others may feel that I don't care
or don't care enough

is there any way we could agree for ever
that I love you
that I will try to respond to you in ways that comfort you
but that if I come up short
it is never that I love you less
rather, that I am over the edge
and beyond behind?

I could use your help
in getting over this fear of falling


  1. all you got to do my friend is realize it is not you that is doing the caring. a ray of sun is not the sun and yet not different

    your friend alwayws

    jorge lacoste

  2. Accept the things you have no control over, and do what you can to make changes on the things you can control. That's all you can do. Done!

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. Thank you for your deep, heart felt truth. So many times I have felt the same way. And, I know my brother feels what you feel when it comes to me and my sister. I feel his pain and worry over not being "enough" and it pains my heart because I have contributed to that worry in the past. Hearing from you has notched up my understanding and compassion of his feelings tenfold. May we all move into total acceptance and trust that we are doing the best we can and that is good enough.

  5. Thank you WaddyP!
    And, ahhh, if it were only that simple for me. And, if I were only clear on what I have control over.
    Still on the brink.

  6. Barbara,
    Again, thank you!
    For clarity, my fear is not that I am not "enough"; it is that others will imagine that I don't care enough. Luckily, I feel that I am "enough", not perfect, but clearly "enough". Keeps me from falling.
    Your shared experience lifts me.
    Your love lifts me too.
    I hope mine has a similar effect on you.

  7. Love this word poem! As I sit here with a 2-week stack of mail, unanswered email and falling farther behind on my facebook posts, and with commitments to go and do, when I want to stay home and tend to business, I do relate to your concern of how others may feel when they don't get all they need from us. In my mind it's about faith -- in ourselves and in each other.

  8. Donna,
    Thank you for adding to this!
    I have faith in you! And in me!
    I won't worry about you if you won't worry about me.
    And we'll still care about one another.