Sunday, June 19, 2011

DAY 259 - Almost Desperate Father

Dearest Jovi and Kenn,

Fathers’ Day today:

An incredibly clear, direct, and felt expression of your love for me in a Facebook post, Jovi. A pdf card in my e-mail from you, Kenn; “I Love You” in black and white, with color photos from our past. Then we video-conferenced; both of you in the State of New York, your Mom and I in California. What a pleasure seeing you, almost being with you; most importantly, feeling I was with you.

25 years ago, before your teens, it dawned on me that while I had always been aware of the intense, if not desperate desire of kids to be loved by their parents, I had been clueless that many parents are desperate to be loved by their kids. This new notion would become important to me as I began to realize my own needs.

One of the very most important parts of my life is trying to be a great father to you; not perfect, just great. I am not entirely clear why this is so important to me. Of course, you are wonderful people, and I am so fortunate to have you in my life. Maybe it has to do in part with a sense of responsibility; we brought you into this world. The least I could do would be to show you that I will always take your lives seriously and try to be as gentle and loving as possible.

Anyway, at times I find myself mildly-desperately wanting to be a great father to you. I really want to get it right.

Others reading this, would reasonably assume that we have had difficulties with our relationships. Thankfully, if we have, I was unaware. I have always felt, heard, and seen your love. Even so, seems like I would feel even better if you were hugging me all the time.

As young adults, each of you expressed that you would enjoy living with your Mom and me again in the future in a “family compound”. As they say, “that meant the world to me”. We can, and do love others that we are not necessarily comfortable being with for extended periods; like living with. Saying that you would enjoy living with me again, especially, said while you were still young adults, was such a comfort for me. I am not sure there are words that you could say that would give me more assurance that I was doing a great job.

You know that I am not trying to be “great”, as in being better than others. I just want you to know that I care deeply about you, and I want to have behaved toward you as to be a lift in your life, rather than a load.

Over the years, in trying to stack the deck, I have asked, if not implored each of you to provide me with feedback at any and all times should you feel that I was being inconsiderate or harmful to you in any way. It would hurt too much to find out later that I had caused you discomfort.

The job is not done until I am dead. Until then I will be trying to be a great father to you; one of my greatest dreams.



  1. you're a pretty great father-in-law too, you know (even if i do avoid the phone, and hence opportunities to say so, like the plague). happy father's day, kris!

  2. again, i am so lucky to have you as my dad (see how i cleverly reversed it from what i wrote earlier so that it almost sounded new?)!

    you are definitely a lift in my of my favorite baby pictures of me is the one where my shirt has been pulled over my head, but not off of it, and i have a huge grin on my face, wearing this shirt-hat. you're holding me up for the camera, but only your hand is in the picture. i love pictures where you're visible too; and i love the times in my life when you are/have been physically visible/present, but even when you aren't, your hands are holding me up, you know?

  3. What a beautiful thing - a happy family comprised of individuals making a conscious effort to be so, rather than just going along and seeing what happens!

  4. Thank you so much, Robert! Having a loving relationship with you is so important to me!

  5. Jovi,
    Thank you sweetheart! Your comments and feelings are so relieving to me. (tears)
    Loving you always,

  6. Jean,
    Thank you so much!
    It does not appear that happy families happen often by accident.