DAY 142 - My Mom

Me, sister Tori, brother Kap & Mom

She died today
She waited patiently through years of dementia
But today she was ready

She was more than a good woman
She was my Mom
She loved me
And I loved her

She trusted me
knew that I could live on my own at 16

She did not track every step of my life
She was living a full and interesting life of her own

At 48 I studied Functional Medicine
while staying at her home on Fox Island
each night, late, smiling faced,
she awaited my return
eager to hear what I had learned
hungry for my excitement
a mother still

there is more
so much more
but it is best expressed
by the fact that I am not filled with sorrow
I am filled with gratitude
both for knowing
and for being born to my Mom
               ~

Kay Caldwell Kelly
Born 9/28/30 - Died 2/23/11

DAY 78 - Death Panels or Life Panels?

“Death panels”, as they are often called, are groups of people that are asked to make determinations about the best use of a community’s limited financial resources as it relates to an individual’s need for healthcare. How interesting that some would choose to call these “death panels”, when the process of determining how to best allocate resources, is being done to maximize life in the community. I would be more apt to call these “life panels”.

Today, the US is almost 14 trillion in debt. We simply don’t have enough money to provide every American with all the drugs, MRIs, surgeries and therapies they want.

It is also clear that some people feel that no expense is too great if it will extend the life of their loved-one; regardless of the impact on others.

I realize that talk is cheap, but it is my hope that when, and if, I find myself in need of a large healthcare expenditure to continue my life, that I would consider all of you.

I support “life panels” because I value the health of my family, of our communities, and of our Country, as much as I value my own.

In the meantime, if we are truly serious about life, and whether one calls them “life panels” or “death panels”, we could all get busy protecting our lives by improving our health through daily exercise, less sugar, a few more green leafy vegetables, and a couple of hugs.

DAY 67 - Happy Birthday Little Brother

My little brother Ken was born on December 10, 1952. You haven’t heard me talk much about him because he died in 1969. He was 16 years old, and died when he broke his neck in a motorcycle accident on Highway 1 in Big Sur, near the Garrapata Creek bridge.

A wonderful young man!
(Photo - 1969 - top Ken, below Kris )

He was a bright boy; a reader. In 1957 Ken turned 5, I turned 6, and our older brother, Kap turned 7. While I could read, Ken LOVED to read. That year, the 3 of us received a gift from our great grandmother, of an American Heritage Book Club membership which provided us each month with a thick, young-adult history book. There were titles like Whaling, The American Revolution, The French and Indian Wars, and Lewis and Clark. Thank god for the pictures! Ken liked the pictures too, but, at 5, he read each book as it arrived, to himself. At age 59, I can still remember my parent’s pride and excitement at the dinner table, as my little brother would tell us about the history he was learning.

In the summer of 1968, our Dad accepted a job in Santa Cruz, CA. We would be moving from Ventura. While not actually a chess player, I had made a move earlier in the year that would change my life with Ken. I had asked my Mom, given that I had only gone to the same school 2 years in a row, on one occasion since first grade; could I finish my senior year of high school at Ventura High in 1969. She had said I could. Now, when the chips were down, she didn’t hesitate, she immediately said that I would be able to stay in Ventura and finish school, even with the family moving to Santa Cruz.

The next thing I knew, Ken had asked if he could stay with me in Ventura, to also finish high school. An arrangement was worked out in which our parents would give us money for basic necessities and we would rent an apartment. As we settled into our new digs that summer, Ken was 15 and I was 16.

That school year we lived at the beach in a tiny studio on Bath Lane; a rowdy, partying lane off of Pierpont Blvd. We had parties of our own, but neither of us missed a day of school. The Ventura Unified School District never knew that we lacked parental supervision 24/7.

I loved Ken. We were both very busy that year, and I don’t know that I fully appreciated what a gem I had.

DAY 57 - A Real Gift This Holiday

This piece was first published in the Ventura County Star on December 25, 2001 with the title
"Make a pledge this holiday season to take care of yourself".

Give the gift that everyone wants to receive, but that we’ve never seen advertised. Give the gift that we all can afford to give, and that we can’t afford not to give. What is it? The gift of your own health and well being.

There are cultural voids and misconceptions that either interfere with giving this gift, and more often, simply make its giving inconceivable. One factor is that our culture doesn’t focus on health. We are fixated on disease, its treatment, and the covering of its symptoms with medications. Also, we have little or no life-experience showing us that daily health practices result in a better life. Additionally, most of us would not intuitively think that improving our own life, would be a gift to others.  Finally, try as we might, we still believe that a gift is a physical object; love is great, but where are the presents?

Ask your mother, your father, your spouse, your brother, your sister, your child; “Would it feel like a gift to you if I had less pain, felt more rested, was happier, stopped smoking, began exercising, lost weight, recovered from chronic illness?” If these people are feeling loving toward you, the answer will be YES. Turn it around. Is there anyone, family or not, that would be giving you a wonderful gift by becoming healthier?

When a child cries from the pain of an ear infection, struggles to breathe with the wheezing of asthma, or cries in fear of a painful medical treatment, we too feel pain. When that child, in a healthy state, smiles and giggles we feel her comfort and joy.

How painful to watch an adult, limping in pain, hunched with pain, breathing or swallowing with difficulty, depressed by chronic pain, hooked to tubes and monitors. How uplifting to watch a spry, happy elderly person hiking, dancing, or playing with a small child.

The gift of your health is a blessing to all; each and every day. It is a blessing for the future because it reduces the probability of you becoming disabled, suffering with chronic disease, or dying early. Your commitment to health also reduces the risk that your loved ones will have to suffer with you during a prolonged illness or premature death.  In a still larger sense, the more days of your life that you are healthy, the greater your ability to contribute to others. The more days ill, or in a bad mood generated by poor health, the more that others will have to contribute energy to accommodate for you and lift you up.

We each have a choice, not a guarantee, but an opportunity to give the gift of our health to our family, our friends, and to the world in which we live. There are few gifts that we will ever give that will be more important or more appreciated.

Each time you wish out loud or to yourself that others would begin to make changes to regain their health, remember that someone may be wishing the same of you.

It is critical to understand that the absence of obvious and active disease is not the same as optimal health. Our bodies gradually, often imperceptibly, lose function and reserves until they periodically, and then ultimately breakdown. Conditions and practices of daily living are the keys to health. How many of these are regular parts of your life: loving relationships, organically grown food, low sugar and starch consumption, aerobic and stretching exercise, plenty of rest and sleep, hope?

Give a gift that really matters.