DAY 142 - My Mom

Me, sister Tori, brother Kap & Mom

She died today
She waited patiently through years of dementia
But today she was ready

She was more than a good woman
She was my Mom
She loved me
And I loved her

She trusted me
knew that I could live on my own at 16

She did not track every step of my life
She was living a full and interesting life of her own

At 48 I studied Functional Medicine
while staying at her home on Fox Island
each night, late, smiling faced,
she awaited my return
eager to hear what I had learned
hungry for my excitement
a mother still

there is more
so much more
but it is best expressed
by the fact that I am not filled with sorrow
I am filled with gratitude
both for knowing
and for being born to my Mom
               ~

Kay Caldwell Kelly
Born 9/28/30 - Died 2/23/11

DAY 94 - Sleeping Like a Baby is Not Always Great

photo courtesy of xlibber at Flickr Commons

While it is generally true that infants sleep more soundly and peacefully than adults, and while it is also true that there are few sights more calming and beautiful than that of a little one at rest, not all babies sleep like a baby.

If you doubt me, ask an exhausted new mother, or the weary parents of a 2 year-old who still doesn’t sleep through the night.

It is common for newborns to wake frequently, being fussy, and appearing hungry. The usual assumption is that the infant is not getting enough nourishment. In many cases, the waking and fussiness are not from insufficient food, but rather from food that does not agree with the child’s digestive and immune systems.

Given that most of us would think that breast milk would be the perfect food, and some would think that a medically approved formula must surely be good for the child, few of us realize that each may cause distress, pain and aberrant sleep in a newborn or infant. Clearly, breast milk is the finest food for a newborn; but the content of breast milk is altered by the foods that the mother consumes, and can have disastrous effects on the comfort and health of the nursing infant. Formulas, even medically approved, commonly cause gastric and other distress in infants.

When foods have not been considered, nor ruled out as causes of disturbed sleep, a family often simply accommodates to the dysfunction and the harmful effect on the household, and lives with the idea that this is just a quirk of this child. As months and years roll by, the problems which often expand beyond the initial sleep disturbance, are explained by – “he has always been this way...”

Good sleep is not a luxury, it is a necessity.

If your baby is not sleeping like a baby; find out why not, and think foods.

DAY 91 - Your Body is Not Entirely Your Own

Joanne and Kenny

“When pregnant or nursing, your body is not entirely your own.”
 ~ a mother December 2010 ~

Nice, straight-forward quote. We know what it means. Every aspect of how a mother, pregnant or nursing, cares for herself, or doesn’t, directly affects her baby.

How powerful and wonderful that deep, real interconnection of two beings!

Generally, in our culture, once nursing is over, mothers are no longer constrained by the interconnectedness of their health with the health of their children.

But, does ones health, woman or man, ever not affect the child, or for that matter, the world?

How interesting that we appear able to respond appropriately to the very obvious connections between mother and developing fetus, and mother and nursing infant, but seem much less able to understand and respond to the eternal interconnectedness of the health of parents and children, and of each of us with our world.

Lest it appear that I am criticizing women, let me say that it is not my intent to be critical at all. We all know that men are the weaker sex when it comes to our capacity to sense interconnection with our families and with humanity.

Our world will be kinder and healthier as we come to know the placental vessels that connect each of us with all others, and with all aspects of our natural world.

DAY 25 -I Come From a Divorced Family

For me, a very important part of writing this book, is the opportunity to tell the world things I believe are true, that have great importance, and that are largely unknown. So, here is one of those bits of wisdom.

Ever since I can remember, I have heard, and heard of, parents expressing their fear that their children had been, or would be damaged,... wounded by divorce. I have talked with divorced parents living with guilt, and apprehensively watching their children for the outward expression of the emotional scarring that had to have occurred when the family was severed. Many of those parents were certain that a child could not grow up whole and well-adjusted without both a mother and a father in the home.

I was eight when I found out that my parents were divorcing. I remember my Dad being angry at my Mom for choosing to leave. I don’t remember experiencing any worry or distress about separating from my Dad. I actually felt relieved.

My Dad tried to guilt me into living with him. It was so painful as an eight year-old trying to figure out how to answer him. I remember him asking me, but remember nothing of how I got out of it.

Through my teens, I never once wished that my parents were still together. On countless occasions, I felt nervous and uncomfortable as a result of my father’s ongoing anger toward my Mom and the divorce; my brothers and I were often caught in the middle of his feelings.

My comfort through the divorce and my youth, though I was not conscious of it at the time, came directly from feeling and knowing that my Mom adored us and would care for us no matter what.

I am not saying that some children aren’t harmed by divorce. I am saying that NOT ALL children are harmed; and I can’t be the only one.

If a culture like ours, talks and acts as though a child must be harmed by divorce, will that prophecy tend to be fulfilled? If it is common knowledge that a child with only one parent is not just disadvantaged, but incomplete, how might that affect a child’s view of himself?

There are many people in the world who have no one. Not just one parent; no one.

I would wish for every child, for every person in the world, one person, just one someone who cares about them deeply, who shares their joys and sorrows, and whom they know will stand by them to the end. That person could be a parent, but it could be a grandparent, an aunt, an uncle, a sister, a brother, or a dear friend; just let there be someone.

I hope someday we will not assume that divorce must wound all children.